#i used to doubt i was autistic but like my brain works like that ^

[satansappendix]

The tism and anxiety makes life crazy sometimes

My sister can not understand why i cant take the kids anywhere when im babysitting them. why because my brain works like this:

The baby needs to nap by 11am so she is awake in time for their parents to be home. So we have to be home by 10 so i can get the other child situated and start putting baby down at 10:30 ish so she'll be asleep by 11. Before all of that to even leave the house. Saying they wake up at maybe 7am, i need to cook food and feed them food which takes like 45 minutes. and then get the read to go which optimistically takes another 30 minutes. and be ready myself which takes like ten minutes. so optimistically its already like 8:50am so we would only really be going out for like an hour which what is even the point of that. and also we will have to be back and do the whole sleep routine afterward.

Also on top of that i know that after taking them both out for even an hour i will be so tired from the experience my likelihood of having a meltdown skyrockets especially if i have work afterward at night

i mean hell even taking just the two year old out to the library today alone that was all i did before work almost made me have a meltdown. I was so tired afterward i felt like i couldnt do anything and then i had to get ready and go to work no fun. like its all the little things today that build up, like i couldnt find my comfy pants i wanted to wear when getting ready, i woke up later than i wanted so everything was pushed back, then i couldnt get the car seat into my car effectively so i needed extra help with that, then we were at the library and had to interact with other people. and then we came home and i only had an hour before work so i felt like i couldnt relax (untrue but it felt that way) then when i was getting ready for work i had to feed the cats and the older one was touching my backpack and the baby was crying and being too much and the cats were on top of me because they were hungry and i accidentally stepped on Lageos's foot and he mad a bad noise because it hurt and at that point i screamed because i couldnt handle it. I screamed and threw the can of cat food on the counter and covered my ears because it had all become too much. thankfully the baby stopped crying and it just got quieter so i could have a breath. i didnt have a full meltdown but i was so close

all of that happened from a two hour excursion with one of the kids, two would be even worse.

[cypr1anlatew00d]

uncomfortable articulating “lean” “preference” “tendency” or participating in jokes about how “liking girls is X and liking guys is Y” bc they all seem like stand-ins for understanding from ppl who experience gender as a determining factor in attraction who see the alternative as, like, impossible, or read some sort of bad faith untrustworthiness or superiority complex into it when, it’s just as feasible a way to exist.... isn’t it????? My stupid brain can finally relax when I’m around people who I don’t feel like I have to play the game of relating through this faulty heuristic with!!!!

[kiame-sama]

Can you give us some Human Lore related to the Great Seven? As you mentioned how the Queen of Hearts is very strict about Humans being protected, even making a bunch of rules to protect them (So no doubt if Reader gets bullied while Riddles’ around he’ll instantly collar the perpetrators)

I’m curious as to see if there are any myths about how the other Great Seven treat or view Humans

This AU has me in a chokehold and I can’t wait for more parts! I love every part and your art of the characters is amazing!

I kinda wrote a little idea for the Righteous Judge and how he felt about Humans (You can ignore or change it if you want! Since this IS your AU)

The Righteous Judge was known for being fair towards Humans as he believed they should be treated equally, as he’d saw how Humans could not only adapt, but even help Monsters settle their differences, and they could do it all without magic

As such he made laws to protect Humans as he thought highly of Humanity being the key to improve civilization, as while they didn’t have any magic, their bonds with each other and other Monsters helped accomplish any task or threat thrown at them

He believed Humans were pure because they weren’t born with the savage instinct like many Monsters have, as he saw Humans more likely to show compassion, mercy, kindness and empathy, unlike Monsters who are more prone to use violence, aggression and pure power to get what they want

Legend has it the Righteous Judge wept in sorrow when Humanity went Extinct, as he believed Humanity could’ve helped Monsters learn how to better themselves

It’s also believed that the Righteous Judge’s son was a Human, which could explain why he was so devoted to defend and help Humans

Maybe because of this Fleur City is known for their rituals, celebrations and festivals to honor the legacy Humans left behind, to honor how the Righteous Judge strived so hard to help Humans

Sorry, my brain went ham as I’m prone to overthinking because of my Autism (I love your Autistic Works as they’re incredibly relatable, like with Floyd and his squeezes since I love extra tight hugs)

Absolutely agree for the Righteous Judge and this would no doubt translate to Rollo's own infatuation and obsession with this little Human. I would bet that if Human MC from the AU visited Fleur city during the Topsy Turvey Day, they would be automatically crowned and honored in the festival as even the Righteous Judge loved the Humans he wept so heavily for.

The Queen of Hearts was known for her love of Humans and had several Human pets that she cherished deeply. She was known to only pardon her Humans from being beheaded as they were such an endearing little species and she couldn't stay angry with her Humans for long. There are no less than 50 rules regarding the proper treatment of humans as The Queen wanted to ensure her beloved pets were kept safe no matter what. All Humans were declared as a protected species in the Queendom of Roses, and harming or abusing one was punishable by death. These laws are still in place despite Humans being extinct for centuries just in the event that a Human could possibly still be alive somewhere.

The King of Beasts doesn't have any mention of humans in any of his stories, hence why many beast men were content to treat Humans as cattle and regarded humans as a delicacy to feast upon. Over the years as Humans became more and more endangered, the Black market for Humans became more than a little cut-throat. Humans were food for so long, that when they were declared extinct, literal riots broke out and what small remaining meat sold for millions. Knock off meat was popular for a while, and Sunset Savana (and various other locations with high beastman populations) admitted to being somewhat at fault for the rapid extinction of Humans. Now there is a global ban on the buying, selling, or trading of Human artifacts/remains.

The Sea Witch's story is deeply intertwined with the presence of Humans, as it was a Human the princess wished to see and marry, leading to her making a deal with the Sea Witch. Many merfolk regard Humans as the peak standard of beauty as a result of this story and see Sirens as merfolk who have been blessed with Human blood. Since sirens look very close to Humans- minus their ever present gills and abnormal aquatic forms- sirens are believed to be the step between merfolk and Humans. Many Human-like monsters are treated with the same kind of awe by merfolk for being so close to a Human in form.

The Sorcerer of the Sands had many tricks and was very knowledgeable, so of course he knew about humans in great detail. Some stories even claim that the Sorcerer sought the council of Humans for their unusual ability to resolve conflict in warring species. Despite their lack of Magic, humans were admirable enough to be in the council of the Sorcerer and were considered to be quite wise for their continued persistence among stronger species.

The Fairest Queen- the most beautiful of all and a wickedly powerful Harpy in her own right- liked the featherless bipeds known as Humans. Though they were clumsy and sometimes pig-faced, she viewed their ambition and tenacity in high regard. Such creatures that held on so tightly to their place in the world despite the other species beating them back certainly earned the respect of the Fairest Queen.

The Thorn Fairy was known for her many boons granted to Human kind. As Humans did not posses magic, they needed all the aid they could get and the Thorn Fairy was all too eager to aid. It is said that any Human the Thorn Fairy blessed became a member of her court, if not in title than in spirit, as the Thorn fairy adored the ignoble little species despite their fragility and flaws. Though she is the spirit of nobility and power, the Thorn Fairy herself smiled kindly upon her little Humans and offered aid to them when she could.

[hello-nichya-here]

Did Sia insult topic of autism somehow?

Oh honey, it's sooooooooo much worse than that.

Sia wanted to make a movie about an autistic girl that manages to connect to people/feel safe and confident through music. So far, nothing outrageous, just a simple concept that would obviously put Sia's music front and center while doing something nice and educating people on autism.

There was controversy about her not casting an autistic actress as it would have been nice representation, but she could have totally gotten away with that since, come on, hollywood hasn't even figured out Rain Man isn't exactly true to life, they're not ready to have an autistic person playing an autistic character. Baby steps.

The real problem started when Sia started promoting the "charity/support group" that was helping "educate" her on the topic to make the movie. The "charity" in question was Autism Speaks - which is absolutely HATED by the autistic community for things like:

1 - Spreading the myth that autism is a mental illness that one can develop/catch like the freaking flue and potentially be cured of, instead of a neurotype, aka something starts in the woomb and cannot be "cured" because to do that you'd need to replace someone's entire nervous system, which is impossible.

2 - Using that myth to get outrageous amounts of money from people so they "search for a cure" - that doesn't exist and will never exist because curing autism is biologically impossible, AND despite the fact that the overwhelming majority of autistic people don't even want to be "cured" (plus, since said "cure" would essentially mean giving the person a new brain, it leads to the question of "Would I even be the same person, or would that just kill and replace me?")

3 - Using the myth of "We don't know what causes autism" (we do, it's genetic) to, of course, get MORE money from people so they can "do research to find the missing puzzle piece" (if you ever see autistic people complaining about a puzzle piece being used to represent the condition, that's why, it was started by Autism Speak's massive disinformation campains).

4 - Falsely "confirming" things like soy milk cause autism with one of the world's most ridiculous "research", losing only to "vaccines totally make kids autistic, buy MY vaccine instead, guys, I am totally not an unbelievably biased person, it's ALL the other doctors/scientists lying to you. GIVE ME MONEY!"

5 - Pushing the narrative of "autism is inherently a tragedy" to distract from the fact that all the money they waste on stupid shit could be used to help autistic people and their families. Instead, they focus on creating more and more panic, making parents in particular despair even more - to the point that one of their "awareness videos" includes a mother talking about how she wants to murder her autistic daughter and then kill herself... while sitting right next to said daughter.

6 - Promoting ABA "therapy" - which was created by the same guy responsible for the attrocity that is gay conversion "therapy." Both have led to unbelievably high rates of confirmed PTSD and suicidal ideation in patients (victims), and ABA in particular has been compared to literal dog training. Very fitting since it was created by a guy who famously did not believe autistic people truly counted as thinking, feeling human beings, and said as much several times. Despite that, it is still praised by some utter bastards because "it makes the patients act less autistic when they're not crying in the corner or trying to jump out a window"

So yeah, working with these guys is a genuinely horrible thing to do since they're basically a scam/hate group pretending to be a charity - and people were STILL willing to give Sia the benefit of the doubt, since Autism Speak uses all their resources to make sure they're the first thing people see when looking up how to help autistic people.

Lots of Sia's fans, both autistic and allistic, warned her repeatedly, politely, that she needed to supporting them IMMEDIATELY as their goal was the exact opposite of the one she claimed to have - aka raise awareness through an accurate portrail of autism. People were even kind enough to name organizations like ASAN as replacements to help her fix any damage done to the project.

And instead of being a decent human being, Sia decided to cry on twitter about how the mean retar-I mean, autistics were bullying her even when she was so kindly using them for her vanity project.

Because yes, that's how the movie turned out. An unwatcheable piece of garbage, with the autistic "character" being so fucking bad even the people who actively use "autistic" as insulted being offended on our behalf - and of course, she was used just a prop to show how awesome Sia's character was.

Seriously, it was so bad the actress playing the autistic girl was sobbing in between scenes because she knew how it was horrible and she didn't want to insult anyone, but Sia is literally her godmother and helped her career by putting her in nearly all her music videos so she felt obligated to go along with it.

So yeah, fuck Sia and fuck Autism Speaks.

[canisxx]

Hey chat! I decided that I don't care if you care or not, I'll post it anyway. Because I'm a scientist nerd, and a TF2 fan.

So here you go, my theory on how the respawn machine actually works.

⚠️It'll be a lot of reading and you need half of a braincell to understand it.

The Respawn Machine can recreate a body within minutes, complete with all previous memories and personality, as if the person never died. We all know this, but I doubt many have thought about how it actually works.

Of course, such a thing is impossible in real life (at least for now), but we’re talking about a game where there’s magic and mutant bread, so it’s all good.

But being an autistic dork, I couldn’t help but start searching for logical and scientific explanations for how this machine might work. How the hell does it actually function? So, I spent hours of my life on yet another useless big brain time.

In the context of the Respawn Machine, the idea is that the technology can instantly create a new mercenary body, identical to the original. This body must be ready for use immediately after the previous one’s death. To achieve this, the cloning process, which in real life takes months or even years, would need to be significantly accelerated. This means the machine is probably powered by a freaking nuclear reactor, or maybe even Australium.

My theory is that this machine is essentially a massive 3D printer capable of printing biological tissues. But how? You see, even today, people can (or are trying to) recreate creatures that lived millions of years ago using DNA. By using the mercenary’s DNA, which was previously loaded into the system, the machine could recreate a perfect copy.

However, this method likely wouldn’t be able to perfectly recreate the exact personality and all the memories from the previous body. I believe the answer lies in neuroscience.

For the Respawn Machine to restore the mercenary’s consciousness and memories, it would need to be capable of recording and preserving the complete structure of the brain, including all neural connections, synapses, and activity that encode personality and memory. This process is known as brain mapping. After creating a brain map, this data could be stored digitally and then transferred to the new body.

“Okay, but how would you transfer memories that are dated right up until the moment of death? The mercenaries clearly remember everything about their previous death.”

Well, I have a theory about that too!

Neural interfaces! Inside each mercenary’s head could be an implant (a nanodevice) that reads brain activity before death and updates a digital copy of the memories. This system operates at the synaptic level, recording changes in the structure of neurons that occur as memories are formed. After death, this data could be instantly transferred to the new body via a quantum network.

Once the data is uploaded and the brain is synchronized with the new body, the mercenary’s consciousness "awakens." Ideally, the mercenary wouldn’t notice any break in consciousness and would remember everything that happened right up to the moment of death.

However… there are also questions regarding potential negative consequences.

Can the transfer of consciousness really preserve all aspects of personality, or is something inevitably lost in the process?

Unfortunately, nothing is perfect, and there’s a chance that some small memories might be lost—like those buried in the subconscious. Or the person’s personality might become distorted. Maybe that’s why they’re all crazy?

How far does the implant’s range extend? Does the distance between the mercenary and the machine affect the accuracy of data transfer?

My theory is that yes, it does. The greater the distance, the fewer memories are retained.

Could there be deviations in the creation of the body itself?

Yes, there could be. We saw this in "Emesis Blue," which led to a complete disaster. But let’s assume everything is fine, and the only deviations are at most an extra finger (or organ—not critical, Medic would only be happy about that).

Well, these are just my theories and nothing more. I’m not a scientist; I’m an amateur enthusiast with a lot of time on my hands. My theories have many holes that I can’t yet fill due to a lack of information.

[autumnnnsun]

Now that I’ve finished reading Hortus de Escapismo and Executor’s record, I really gotta ramble about Executor for a second and kinda talk abt how Arknights handles his lack of empathy trait that I really enjoy. This isn’t a proper analysis or anything just my thoughts I wanna vomit for a sec.

So it’s implied in Executor’s record that he just, wasn’t born having empathy despite being a sankta. Or at least he just naturally doesn’t have the same levels of understanding of emotion as other sankta. The part that I really like about it is how Executor’s Record and story in general doesn’t portray that as a necessarily bad thing.

His lack of empathy allows him to think in a way that is a lot more unique than other sankta. When his partner in his record story told him to sacrifice him, he still brought his body back to Laterano. One of the reason being because of a specific sentence in the will they were enacting (“I hope all Laterans return back to their home.” Smth that most people would assume is just smth the will writer wrote for some extra literary flare) but also because he disregarded his partner’s feelings. His lack of empathy is the reason why he did something good and that is very interesting to me especially when most people tend to demonise having low/no empathy.

I also just really like how in his record story, it’s emphasised that he knows what emotions ARE. He has developed a system with his parents to recognise and visualise emotions by drawing lines that represent them. He knows what it is, he can recognise it to a level where he can think of the next best course of action when confronted with it, he just doesn’t put much importance on it nor does he bother with understanding it for the most part. Especially if it’s something that will get in the way of his job. And I REALLY like that cus it reminds me of how people irl that have low empathy will develop systems to work around it and still be kind.

I know a lot of us joke about Executor being autistic and that’s funny and I like the jokes as much as everyone else, but low or no empathy is a trait of other mental disorders and disabilities and even as someone that hasn’t been diagnosed with anything yet it still feels kinda nice to see low empathy being portrayed in a way that isn’t villanious.

In fact, Executor having low empathy kinda makes him the best person in the room sometimes especially in Hortus de Escapismo. The part where he does a warning shot at Oren and Lemuen and essentially goes “Can ya’ll STOP I’m trying to do my JOB.” And essentially manages to stop a massacre because of it is so funny but also so fucking hype bruv. I like how in the end of the event when Executor was starting to ask more questions and have more doubts and was starting to let emotions affect his actions a bit more, it isn’t framed as like “Oh mah gerd, he’s learning empathy and being more hooman!”

Instead he’s asking questions and seeking to find solutions to them in his own unique way. Asking around and adding more variables to his thought process like a computer would (which has some implications that gets my lore brain churning but hrghrghrgh)

Top it all of with the fact that he is specifically a character that is born and raised in a society that values empathy. Being able to feel other people’s emotions is what makes you a sankta. And Executor, is one of the better sanktas because he doesn’t follow that rule.

God I love Executor, go son, thrive.

[saederkrupps]

i was imagining doing a cool "why you should use obsidian" post but i doubt it would reach anyone but here are the bullet points

obsidian works as a folder with markdown files. meaning you can at any point yoink a note and grab the text with any basic text editor.

wiki style linking for the adhd brain that jumps topics really fast or if your brain connects notes like that.

really great community with tons of addons, custom themes, and resources for learning both how to use the program AND how to take notes. notebly (hehe) i have noticed a lot of ADHD & autistic people who offer advice for organizing while having a chaotic brain.

it's free. it's so free. all the addons and themes are free. the pay options are for syncing/cloud (and you can use other services like dropbox bc of how obsidian is just 1 folder) and publishing your vault as a website.

organize notes, creative writing, images, everything. it can open PDFs so you can read while taking notes. I use it to organize my creative writing and world building. i use the canvas feature to make big ol mood boards and reference boards for art.

use obsidian 🫵💥🫵💥

[aryaqua-reh2o]

The Full Moon ending is perfect!

A day in Stolas and Blitzø’s lives that summarises what’s happened so far. 

Blitzø and Stolas are perfectly disastrous in their way and of course, they were going to collide at some point. After brewing for one and a half seasons, the miscommunication between these adorable idiots peaked. Who’s fault is that? Both! And in equal part! I can’t stand reading how many people blamed Blitzø alone. The truth is, they both acted incredibly wrong and also incredibly well for who they are. 

Let’s start with Stolas: he ran out of his happy pills on the most important day of his life (probably). Now, I can’t talk from experience because I never used antidepressants (at least I assume they are antidepressants), but I doubt that skipping one dose turns you into an emotional wreck. But the thing is, Stolas is autistic and I can relate to this and the way he behaved. The pills were something he could rely on to stay afloat probably during his whole sad life, so running out of it first thing in the morning in the middle of an emotional Dinsey princess moment was truly bad timing. Stolas found himself stripped of this little safety blanket. During his song, he gets happy, dramatic, desperate and hopeful. He most likely spent the day in a mood swing, and let’s remember that he wakes up at 7 AM and meets Blitzø at 11:56 PM, plenty of time to panic [Side note, the breakup happens 4 minutes later so at midnight on the dot, I love these little details]. Stolas knows how he feels about Blitzø, he has known for some time, and he’s ready to tell him. If I know a little bit about how a brain on the spectrum works, he most likely had been rehearsing any possible scenarios in his head for hours (or days, or months) and that’s why when Blitzø arrives, Stolas doesn’t say anything to interrupt the other displaying of sex toys, until he decides it’s time to stop Blitzø (that it’s clearly freaking out already at that point) and opens the conversation in the worst possible way ever: “I need it [the Grimoire] back. Permanently”. It seems unnecessarily cruel to just take the book from Blitzø, letting him tear up and beg. But then Stolas pulls out the box with the crystal and we have the Stolitz music playing and… but why make Blitzø cry and not just give him the crystal straight away? Because Stolas was too stuck in his mind already. He played out this scene so many times in his head, that he couldn’t act any different without losing his cool. Don’t get this wrong: from here on I absolutely LOVE how Stolas handled the situation, how he spoke, what he did and said, from kneeling in front of Blitzø, gently holding his hand to calm him down when he was about to panic, and then he gave him the crystal while confessing his feelings for him. Stolas at this point had been in touch and honest with his feelings for months (at least since Ozzie’s from what we can see on screen), but the main problem is that Stolas has no idea of what is going on with Blitzø, so when obviously Blitzø feels cornered and doesn’t want to face his feelings so abruptly and hides behind sex and roleplaying, Stolas loses his control over the situation and closes up for good. Anything that happens between “Do you…Do you have my book Blitzø?” and “That’s enough to know what this is” is a monologue. When Blitzø doesn’t follow the idea Stolas has in his mind, Stolas just walks away. 

And this is VALID because Stolas has never been in a real relationship, he has no friends or family aside from Via, and he doesn’t know how to deal with people with complex emotions like Blitzø. It is quite common for people on the spectrum to assume that everyone else is alike, thinks alike, and responds similarly to certain patterns, so when Stolas doesn’t get the response he was expecting, he immediately reads it as rejection. He turns away from Blitzø and leaves without giving the other any chance other than yelling in anger and despair. 

On Blitzø's side things are more linear. He was and still is in constant… ignorance. Meaning he actively ignores his and Stolas’ feelings. I don’t think he is in denial, because he knows fully well he has feelings for Stolas at least since S1E6 Truth Seekers, he knows he fears intimacy and also craves it. And he most likely knows, at least in part, that Stolas has feelings for him as shown during the exchange with Fizz in Oops (that part was denial, yes). Blitzø knows this night is important and different. They haven’t seen each other for months. He was the one who decided to skip a few rounds when Stolas gave him the opportunity, and if we go with the text exchange in Western Energy, it’s safe to assume they haven’t seen each other since Seeing Stars and probably haven’t slept together since before Ozzie’s. Blitzø’s strategy to deal with his fears and feelings is to let things linger doing nothing in the hope they settle back to where they were when the deal was still new and comfortable. Because Blitzø doesn’t want to admit he has feelings for Stolas, but most of all he doesn’t want to accept that Stolas has feelings for him, because who can love him? Certainly not a prince of all people. Blitzø goes shopping to impress Stolas because he wants to keep staying in that deal, no commitment, no need to reveal his feelings, he could keep going forever, transactional sex is convenient and non-commmittal. (Inadvertently showing, while doing sex shopping, how much he cares for Stolas and how deeply he knows him and what he likes, he wants to make Stolas happy). He wants to go back to sex and show Stolas a “good time” so he doesn’t have to think about how he felt when he realised Stolas could get hurt. He doesn’t want to think about anything, but then, when Stolas takes control of the narrative, Blitzø can only be there and follow it until it gets too overwhelming. He tries so desperately to stick to the habits, to the point he has this massive slip when he tries to give back the crystal to Stolas and says he can always do better. He doesn’t want a way out. He doesn’t want to choose. He loves being in chains because it’s easy. He wants things to stay the way they are, for Stolas to use him as a sex toy, and to be used by him because admitting that he has feelings and that he sees that Stolas has feelings for him is too much. But Stolas clearly states how he feels and what he wants. Blitzø understands perfectly, but he can’t accept it, so he tries in a desperate attempt to get back to where they were, to pretend one more time. Blitzø runs away from the feelings Stolas is showing him in a way that triggers Stolas in the worst possible way. Stolas runs away from Blitzø when he can’t deal with his heartbreak anymore, triggering Blitzø’s fear that translates into an angry outburst. Stolas doesn’t stop for a second and doesn’t listen to Blitzø who is yelling at him to, basically, stop and listen to him. Blitzø says hurtful things to Stolas because he is desperate and he feels rejected and abandoned by him. After avoiding any type of confrontation for months, Blitzø finally gives in, but he’s hurt, angry and terrified so he does the only thing he’s comfortable with: he yells. He doesn’t know of Stolas’ past of being abused by his wife. Stolas just wants out, out of the feeling of being rejected (even if he obviously jumped to the wrong conclusions too fast) and away from yet another person screaming at him. Blitzø only manages to stop Stolas by yelling at him hurtful things he doesn’t fully believe. Unfortunately, Stolas listens to that. And for the first time in his life, he cries in front of someone. Blitzø finally realises how much his words hurt Stolas, but it’s too late to apologise and he finds himself teleported outside mid-apology.

Honestly, I don’t think they could have screwed up any worse than that even if they tried. But this needed to happen and I’m glad it did. Blitzø needed to see Stolas heartbroken to understand Stolas was in love with him. Stolas did the best he could for who he is, he made the first move, and now the ball is in Blitzø’s court. 

I owe Blitz an apology. When speculating on The Full Moon I assumed it was going to end badly and I blamed Blitzø for it. Now that the episode is out I can see that mostly it’s Stolas’ fault. Yes, I said it, it’s predominantly Stolas’ fault if The Full Moon ended in tragedy, but this is important: Blitzø knows Stolas treated him wrong (not only in the last episode, many many times before that) but now he also knows that Stolas can get hurt physically and emotionally, and yes, he proved himself to be a pompous rich asshole that happens to also be deeply in love with him. Is then Stolas worth fighting for? I think we all know the answer. What I hope to see in Apology Tour is the both of them apologizing to each other AND to themselves. Neither Stolas nor Blitzø know what love is. They are trying and failing but in the end, they are both desperate for one another and if Stolas can get his head out of his ass and Blitzø finally drops the act for a minute, they could just… talk and start to figure things out. And maybe in Apology Tour we will know more about what happened with Verosika and why that relationship went South so badly, I bet it’s going to play a huge part in Blitzø’s future development.

[damagedcoda6669]

okay so i am. so confused! are you a system/plural after all?

you made a post on your twitter about being the "original host" which is. a plural term of course but ALSO i'd like to say that the idea of there being an "original" is veeery misleading and not actually possible in DID/OSDD

the reason DID/OSDD exists at all is because a child's identity was unable to fully form in their developmental years, so the identity splits off and fractures into several parts necessary to keep the child safe. because of this, there can be no "original host" because there was never an identity formed that could be considered the "core," in a way, at all. it gives off the idea that there was one set identity that split off others later on in life, which isnt how DID/OSDD works in terms of alter formation

also, the disorder can only be developed in your early formative years, so its mostly unheard of for a system to go through life with a single part only to split off later on. your brain splits off alters in response to stressors or traumatic experiences, and so when the disorder is formed there would have to have been a fracture from the beginning where your identity wasnt able to come together to form a single one. multiple alters can be "original," in a sense, but there is not one sole original

i suppose that other alters could have simply been integrated and so they arent a part of your system anymore (leaving you as the "original host"), but thats probably not my place to explore and its all a bit too complicated for a tumblr ask

there are parts that have been around longer than all the other parts and there are parts that identify with/as the body or the head of the system, buuuut i just wanted to share that tidbit of information because misinformation can be very harmful when it comes to healthy plurality!!

in any case, dont let this cause you to spiral into more self-doubt because — surprise! DID/OSDD is supposed to be hard to understand or identify within yourself. its a trauma disorder formed to make you as functional as possible, so generally the disorder tries very hard to hide your other parts from you as to protect you from those traumas. being confused is a major part of plurality, and most long-term hosts do have the misconception of being "original" because there was no reason to think otherwise.

its also fully possible that you have been the host for the majority (or entirety) of your life, so dont get me wrong! im just trying to share that the idea of an "original" alter isnt possible.

regardless of whether or not you're plural, i wish you the best in exploring yourself and the way that your brain functions. you're doing great, truly!

and if i misinterpreted anything, im deeply sorry for that too. i'm just a stranger on the internet trying to provide input using the information i was given, and i genuinely dont mean any offense by this ask. DID/OSDD is also something i'm very interested in and passionate about as an autistic individual, so... im very sorry for the essay

THIS IS SO HELPFUL U HAVE NO IDEA. I KNOW NEXT 2 NOTHING ABT PLURALITY AND SYSTEMS. dont apologize 4 the rambling, its much appreciated!!! i get the same way abt bpd and autism so i get it!!! psychology and mental disorders r one of my special interests so im the same way!!! ^_^

i guess my post moreso came from the concern that i only have vry vry spotty, fuzzy, sometimes FAKE memories of my childhood, if any at all (id say i remember less than 1% of it, and most of what i "remember" is only becuz of photo evidence or testimony from other ppl) and my identity only rlly formed when i joined the internet at maybe 12 yrs old. so i sometimes have doubts that i formed when the body was born, but rather that i was created and that im a product of the internet inparticular, but that might also be a delusion??? its confusing, whenever i get ideas abt my identity they turn out 2 be fake sometimes. its hard 2 pinpoint what i am. so i was trying 2 say that i dont think ive been here since the birth of the body and that i spawned later on. idk if im explaining myself correctly, its hard 4 me 2 understand. but i appreciate u correcting me and explaining it 2 me in a way thats easy 4 me 2 digest!!! i dont want 2 spread misinfo evr.

i think im plural??? ive had liek 8 headmates (and a headspace at one point) that ive been able 2 identify, but nobodys rlly taken me srsly abt it until vry vry recently. ive always been told that im making it up 4 attention, or that im faking DID, and i was even told by a dumbass doctor that it was just my autism and that they were all imaginary. i nvr rlly claimed 2 be plural either, i always just got shot down whenevr i introduced the possibility of there being other sentient ppl in my brain. but i think that i am, probably. im not sticking 2 any labels atm becuz im confused and uneducated abt my headmates and im not diagnosed w anything, but i feel comfy with plural as a label becuz its a vague umbrella term. i nevr claimed 2 have DID becuz ive always known that my headmates cant front and take over my body (ive even asked one and she told me she couldnt LOL) ALTHOUGH. they MIGHT be able 2 front simultaneously as me, ive had edgy (whos currently dormant) finish art 4 me if i got tired, back in 2020 when he was still active. and i know alters fronting is a diagnostic requirement for DID (i think???) but i dunno. theres SOMETHING up w my brain.

i tried 2 post abt it on twitter actually, that i thought i was plural (a handful of ppl asked me so i wanted 2 confirm) but i deleted the post like an hour later becuz i wasnt getting any comments or likes and i was scared that i did something wrong and didnt know, or that im not actually plural and other plural ppl were mad at me 4 using their label. it made me so anxious >n<

i am such a yapper.. 4give me

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

01/26/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Renew As A Crew/Hoist The Ads; Cast & Crew Sightings; Queerties; Twitter Watch parties; Articles; Reasons to keep fighting; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonights Taika;

== Renew As A Crew / Hoist The Ads ==

Tumblr Post / Twitter Post /Instagram Post

Link to vote

==Cast & Crew Sightings==

While the sighting hasn't occurred yet... looks like Vico Ortiz, Nathan Foad, and Con O'Neill will all be attending Galaxy Con in San Jose on August 16-18, 2024 at the San Jose Mcenery Convention Center. Tickets available now. Src: _irene_adler on IG

One thing to note.. Chaos dad has been pretty consistent about reaching out every 3 days-ish lately.. I'm interested to see if tomorrow he shows up again. Just a theory.

== Queerties ==

If you're down, please vote for the Queerties each day! If you want to just vote for OFMD categories, feel free to visit: TV Comedy Best TV Performance Wanna help another Taika/Rhys verse Queertie? Vote for Kaimana for Best Film Performance in Next Goal Wins!

==Twitter Watch Parties==

Sadly, today #PirateOmens came to an end, but our friend @dandeebakes is already fast at work getting other cool Watch parties together! Please send them some love!

=HuntForThePirateHome=

HuntForThePirateHome Watch Party Starts Sunday Jan 28 at 3 PM EST, 12 PT, 8 PM GMT. Hashtags for that event are:

#HuntForThePirateHome

#AdoptOurCrew

#SaveOFMD

Thank you to @blueberreads for catching these trends on twitter during the Pirate Omens watch, definitely kept engagement up.

==LubeAsACrew==

#LubeAsACrew is back on 1/31/24 at 4PM PT, 1PM ET. Next up are S1 Episodes 5, 6, 7.

== How To Help ==

How To Help Save OFMD Task List - US How to Help Save OFMD Task List - Outside US

==Articles==

15 Things We’ll Miss About ‘Our Flag Means Death’

2024’s Canceled Shows, for Your Final Consideration

Relisting The Guardian's article from yesterday because they've opened comments, and it can help with engagement so feel free to comment on it now!

Also, @itsmfgames Has been kind enough to be keeping up a running list of Articles about the campaigns -- so if you have the time and want to go catch up on some articles, please checkout the guide below and visit this google doc for the list! It's been added to the Daily Renewal List for both US and Outside-US, so feel free to check it out there as needed.

== Reasons to Keep Fighting ==

Throwing in some great points from our tumblr folks regarding the cancellation that really helped me feel pumped today.

@celluloidbroomcloset's Our Flag Means Death was cancelled because it’s gay.

@queerly-autistic's break down on why Not All Fan Campaigns Are The Same.

@saltpepperbeard's reasoning for Clinging Onto Hope

@tulipseason's lovely reasons The Show Is Irreplaceable

== Love Notes ==

Alright lovelies. I have so many words to say about how great you all are, how much I love you (and I'm sure you're tired of hearing them), but I went back to work today after 7 days of being sick and now my brain is mush. So instead I'm going to put the text of one of my son's books in here because I think every one of us should feel loved like we were when we were 5.

On The Night You Were Born - By Nancy Tillman On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered, “Life will never be the same.” Because there had never been anyone like you… ever in the world. So enchanted with you were the wind and the rain, that they whispered the sound of your wonderful name. It sailed through the farmland High on the breeze… Over the ocean… And through the trees… Until everyone heard it and everyone knew of the one and only ever you. Not once had there been such eyes, such a nose, such silly, wiggly, wonderful toes. When the polar bears heard, they danced until dawn. From faraway places, the geese flew home. The moon stayed up until morning next day. And none of the ladybugs flew away. So whenever you doubt just how special you are and you wonder who loves you, how much and how far,  Listen for geese honking high in the sky. (They’re singing a song to remember you by.) Or notice the bears asleep at the zoo. (It’s because they’ve been dancing all night for you!) Or drift off to sleep to the sound of the wind. (Listen closely… it’s whispering your name again!) If the moon stays up until morning one day, or a ladybug lands and decides to stay, or a little bird sits at your window awhile, it’s because they’re all hoping to see you smile… For never before in story or rhyme (not even once upon a time) has the world ever known a you, my friend, and it never will, not ever again… Heaven blew every trumpet And played every horn On the wonderful, marvelous Night you were born

== Daily Darby / Tonights Taika ==

The gifs today are courtesy of our lovely @ofmd-ann who blesses us every day with gifs that make me swoon. Darby / Taika

Warning to all you gif makers, I'm gonna be bugging the crap out of you soon for permission to share on these recaps :P -- feel free to say no!

[the-whispers-of-death]

Shelter Me, Please

Pairing: John Price x GN!Reader Summary: A thunderstorm is starting and Reader needs comfort from the sound of thunder. In their attempt to find shelter from their growing panic, they stumble into a certain captain's office. Word Count: 1,152 words Content: Fluff, Price being so soft he might be a little ooc, desi!Reader, autistic!reader, fear (but not graphic), an alarming amount of petnames (sweetheart & darling). Author's Note: I got up and out of bed while trying to sleep at midnight to write this, because the Price brain rot is real. I love him so much.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You shuffled inside the base alongside several other soldiers as thunder boomed, your brown skin starting to get wet from the light drizzle that was no doubt about to get heavier. It was the start of one of the rainiest days of the spring in the UK, and you hated it.

The base was abuzz as other soldiers meandered in the hallways, talking with their friends as they contemplated whether or not this thunderstorm would be bad enough that the higher-ups would cancel any upcoming missions until the rain died down. It was all everyone could think about: whether or not their new missions would still continue.

Well, everyone except you.

You couldn’t think about missions or how long you all were practically forced to be inside for. Your thoughts were on the thunderstorm and how you’d have to get to your quarters quickly so you could hunker down in preparation. 

It came to no surprise that soldiers had an aversion to thunderstorms, the thunder reminding them of battle. But you? You always had an aversion to it, even before your enlistment in the SAS. You hated the rain with a passion, thunder even more so.

You were always more sensitive to loud noises than your peers, more sensitive to smells and textures too. It was unexplainable, the way some smells made you gag and the way some textures made you recoil with disgust. It took until your enlistment for you to finally be diagnosed with autism, explaining much of your… quirks, as your mother liked to call them.

So yeah, you weren’t very excited at the prospect of the rain and the thunder, you knew yourself well enough to know the sounds of thunder was going to be hellish to weather through.

An extremely loud crack of thunder echoed throughout the base and shook the building, sending you stumbling almost blindingly to the first room you could get to, your intention of heading to your quarters being shattered among your sudden panic and need to hide. You hit your side against the wall as your hands shakily turned the doorknob, opening the door to what you hoped would be salvation.

You were hoping to stumble into a supply closet, somewhere empty and not currently in use. Instead, you embarrassingly stumbled into your captain’s office where Captain John Price of the Task Force 141 was currently sitting at his desk, working.

“Sergeant? What’s going on?” Price’s gruff, but gentle voice soared through the air and into your ears, very briefly soothing your panic until yet another thunder boomed throughout the base.

You whimpered, the panic that came with the thunder and the fact that you’ve secretly had a crush on your captain for quite a few months now, sending you shuffling further into the office. “I’m sorry, Captain. It’s the thunder… I was hoping to go to my quarters, but—” Your words were cut off by another bout of thunder, this one closer now.

Price stood up from his desk and opened his arms when you scrambled towards him, his strong arms wrapping gently around you, cradling your trembling form. “Shh, sweetheart. I’m here, you’re safe,” he murmured, pressing the softest and gentlest kiss to your forehead, the scruff of his beard against your skin a feeling you’ve been longing for, for months now.

“I’m sorry,” you repeated, your heart racing as you grew so flustered from the way you were trembling in his arms and from how much you had yearned to be held by him just like you were being held right now. “I know you didn’t sign up for helping me through this right now.”

“Don’t apologize, darling.” Price’s large, calloused and warm hand reached up to gently card his fingers through your black, curly hair. He leaned down, nuzzling his cheek against the crown of your head. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here, making sure you feel safe. We’re a team, we look out for one another.”

Ah, yes. He was just doing this out of the goodness of his heart, because he thought of you as just a member of his team. It was almost comical how easily you had fallen down the line of thinking he might actually reciprocate your romantic affections.

You nodded your head, burying it into his broad chest. “Right,” you said, your voice slightly muffled. “We’re a team.”

Price frowned and even though you couldn’t see it, you could feel it in the way he tilted his head down at you. “Hey now, what’s up with that tone of voice, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Captain.”

“You sounded dejected, just now,” Price insisted gently but firmly, his blue eyes full of concern as his eyebrows furrowed. He thought for a while before it finally dawned on him. “Oh, darling, I didn’t mean it like that.”

He tilted your head up gently so your brown eyes were now looking into his blue ones. “When I said we’re a team, I didn’t mean to say all we are is just team members.”

Just as you were processing his words, another boom of thunder resounded, making you squeeze against him further. He tightened his hold on you, a soothing rumble emitting from him in an effort to calm you back down.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me, Sergeant. The way your eyes can’t seem to look away from me, the way you hang onto my every word.” He leaned in close, his breath hitting your cheek. He was somehow soothing and alluring all at the same time. “I feel the same way, sweetheart. I can’t get you out of my head and I want to take care of you, love you.”

Price visibly gulped, his Adam’s apple moving up and down as his warm hand rubbed your back in a calming manner. “I’m sorry, this isn’t the appropriate time to confess my feelings, you’re flustered by the thunder. But I couldn’t let you continue thinking I don’t feel the same way.” He pressed another gentle kiss to your forehead.

You were speechless, unable to form a coherent sentence between the sound of the thunder and his confession. But you found yourself clinging onto Price, not wanting to let this shift in the relationship fade away like some dream.

You took a deep breath before saying, “When this thunderstorm is over and we have some free time… Perhaps we should go on a date.”

Price chuckled, his own nervousness melting away. With his arms still wrapped around you, he nodded and moved towards the couch in his office. “Deal, darling.”

He settled onto the couch with you in between in his legs, his warmth seeping into you and making you almost forget the thunderstorm raging outside. “For now, though, let’s just get you through this storm. Don’t worry, I’ll be here beside you the entire time. I’m not leaving.”

Reblogs are welcomed & appreciated!

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hey I dunno if you’ve gotten this before but. Do you have anything on autism and DID/OSDD? Specifically resources or accounts and such (since I’ve seen the positivity post)

I struggle with emotional dysregulation, big memory issues (huge chunks of childhood and adolescence missing, forgetting things constantly, dissociating emotions from memories, etc,) frequent daydreaming/spacing out/dissociation, that type of thing (and a bit more that’s a little too complicated to explain in an ask lol)

I’ve always kind of figured it was just part of me being autistic (I’m professionally diagnosed and definitely very autistic regardless lol), but I’ve recently gone down a bit of a rabbit hole relating to plurality and now I’m wondering if it could be a symptom of DID/OSDD instead/as well (I was originally looking at something else and stumbled into the tags somehow. The original thing that led me here was foxes. I think. And then I had a bit of a panic as I realized how some of the symptoms were VERY close to some of my experiences. Especially the memories.) but i also can’t tell if it’s just some sort of brain fog(???? Is that the correct term?) / alexithymia / Unknown Autism Trait 3 that nobody ever talks about and is difficult to find any sort of explanation or resources for. And my brain protested and had the equivalent of being on the verge of a sobbing meltdown or mental overload of some sort when I tried to think about stuff relevant to the topic so I don’t think it’s going to be of much help to me right now.

obviously not asking for diagnosis or to self diagnose at all (since. I understand you cant really do either of those /lh /nm) but I’m curious if any of you know of any resources relating to this specific type of stuff? I feel like I’d go insane trying to find any info on it. (And also I don’t think my brain would want to cooperate if I asked it to because it basically shuts down, gives me a headache, and turns to a pathetic wet sobbing cat whenever I try to think about the possibility so I doubt I’ll be identifying as anything anytime soon but. I want some stuff to think over at least.)

hey, we also are autistic and have dissociative identity disorder. unfortunately, there isn’t really too much research on the overlap between autism and complex dissociative disorder diagnoses at this time, that we know of, but we do think that autistic people may have a higher likelihood of dissociating and developing a cdd than neurotypical people.

we really love mike lloyd’s work at the ctad clinic, and he has an insightful video on the intersection of autism and dissociation here:

here is an open access paper by katherine e. reuben and ayden parish on dissociation as a symptom in autism - it’s an interesting read and wasn’t too difficult for us to parse:

also, here are a couple life experience pieces by folks with both did and autism:

our own autism has contributed to our trauma history in how we were treated, formed attachment, and understood the world as a child. for our own system, our autism and our did are inextricably linked. we are certain that many other autistic systems feel the same.

if exploring this possibility for yourself is causing you great distress, it may be for the best to put this off to the side for now until you have reached a point with more stability or a greater support system in your life. please don’t overwhelm or cause yourself harm by looking into this possibility on your own, if it is unhealthy for you.

if you are in therapy or have a mental health professional in your life who you trust, this would be an excellent thing to bring up to them. though hopefully these resources can help you get started learning about this topic if you have the spoons/ability to do so.

we are no medical expert or research professional, but we are happy to talk more about our personal experience of being both autistic and a did system if anyone would be interested. best of luck to you, anon, with figuring this out. we know how confusing and challenging it can be!

[petrichor-idyllic]

Hello! I am back 😇 could i get another autistic female reader x Gally (possibly a Part Two) where she gifts him a rock she found in the Gardens and he is slightly confused by it but really treasures it. Thank you! 🤍🤍

Part 2 let's goooo

A BIT DIFFERENT PT.2

MASTERLIST | GALLY MASTERLIST

PART 1 | PART 2

SUMMARY: See above. Continuation of part 1. Takes places before the arrival of Thomas.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, Gally's awkward ass, my potentially inaccurate portrayal of autism (again, but yall seemed to like the first one).

It's been about a week since you and Gally started seeing each other.

I'm using the phrase "seeing each other" loosely.

You see, you and Gally are in a weird place. Well, at least he feels like you are. You've not exactly established anything - you know you like each other and you've kissed, but that is literally it.

You still hang out and go about your lives in the Glade, but nothing has changed.

You're kind of fine with that. You've assumed something has been established since you both said you liked each other as more than friends. So, obviously, that means you're more than friends - AKA in a relationship. Right?

Yeah.

That's what you think.

But Gally's neurotypical brain doesn't work that way. He thinks you're in a weird situationship and doesn't know what to do now you've gone back to acting like friends.

You are none the wiser.

"Dude, she likes you - what's the big deal?" Frypan says as Gally loiters around the kitchen; a growing irritation in the cook's opinion.

"Yeah, but we're just... the same. Like, nothing's changed." He leans back against the counter as Frypan prepares the evening's meal behind it.

"I thought you kissed?"

"Yeah - once, and now it's just back to the same old klunk. This is a head-shuck; what am I meant to do?"

Frypan snorts. "I seriously doubt she's doing this on purpose." Gally looks over his shoulder at the boy. "You're probably overthinking it. Now, please shuck off and do your job so I can do mine in peace."

Gally glares as Frypan flashes him a cheeky grin. Rolling his eyes, Gally leaves the cook be.

He thinks about going to visit you for a second, but Alby will have his head if he keeps skipping work like this. He's still a Keeper, even if he is having relationship problems.

So, he returns to work.

You, however, are having the time of your life in the Gardens. You still love your job, and Zart still appreciates having you around (even if you do continue to show him up).

Today is a particularly positive day for you, because you have found a cool rock.

It's dark grey with swirls of whites and browns in it, and it's smooth and heavy in your palm.

It is a very cool rock.

You put the stone in your pocket and decide it would make a great gift. You continue with your day and spend your time awkwardly excited to give the rock to Gally.

After all, Gally means an awful lot to you, and this rock is from the Gardens that you also care about - so obviously, you have to give it to Gally.

So, after you've finished work, you go off in search of the Keeper. Though, that's easier said than done when Gally is having some kind of meltdown.

After some directions from Frypan, you find him leaning against a tree in the Deadheads.

"Gally!" You exclaim, grinning as he sits with his knees bent in front of him, resting his arms on his knees. He looks up at you as you bounce over, his gaze softening and his typical playful smile creeping across his face.

It's an expression you're so used to that you don't even realise that it's out of the ordinary. If Gally were to look at anyone else like that, they'd think he'd lost his mind.

"Hey, (Y/N)." He watches you as you sit down next to him, crossing your legs.

"What are you doing here?" You ask. It's unusual for Gally to be alone in the forest area. Actually, it's kind of rare for Gally to be alone at all. He's always with his little gang - or you.

"Just... thinking, yanno?" He playfully nudges you. "You okay? How was work?" He swiftly changes the conversation.

"Good, as always."

"Good, you learn about any new plants today?"

You shake your head. "Nope, not today. 'Think I've exhausted all the plants in the Glade, now." You grin at him, and he chuckles, shaking his head. "But," you reach into your pocket, "I did find this."

You show him the rock, holding it out in front of you. He glances at it before his eyes flicker back up to your face and then back to the rock.

"A... rock?" He blinks.

"Yeah, I found it in the Gardens. It's a cool rock," he can't fight the smirk that creeps across your face.

"Yeah," he picks it up out of your flat palm and examines it, holding it between his thumb and forefinger. "It's a very cool rock."

He goes to give it back to you, but you wave his hand away. "No, it's for you."

"What?"

"It's a gift... for you."

He grins; it's a genuine heart-felt smile and it sends butterflies through your stomach. "For me?"

"Mhm, thought you might like it."

"Hm, well, you've got me there - it is a very cool rock... But why are you giving it to me?"

You pause, blinking. He's a Builder? You thought he liked rocks?

"Because it's pretty, and I wanted to give my boyfriend a gift - that's not that weird, is it?"

Gally's face falls completely blank. He blinks at you and you can practically see the cogs spinning behind his eyes. "Have I said something wrong?" You're becoming genuinely concerned.

You're not the best at social cues and this is the first time you've misjudged something. So, you're picking up a vibe that you've put your foot in it.

"Gally? You good?"

"Sorry, uhm, I'm your, you said- uh, boyfriend?"

You now blink at him. "Uh, yeah? I thought we likes each other - isn't that what being in a relationship is? Are you not my boyfriend? Shit, have I shucked up?"

"What- no, you've... we just didn't talk about it, so I didn't realise we were... yanno."

You push your lips into a thin line before dropping your head, feeling your face start to go red. "Oh. Sorry - I didn't think- shit."

"No, hey, it's all good - I would love to be your boyfriend. Just wish you woulda told me about it, though."

You snort out of embarrassment, bringing your hands up to your face to hide. "Sorry - well, this is shuckin' embarrassing."

"Nah," he nudges you with his elbow. "It's cute."

You look at him, letting your hands fall from your face, smirking slightly. "Ya know, if anyone else knew how much of a big softie you were, they'd never let it go."

He shoves you, it's hard but still playful. You shove him back, which results in a wrestling match.

You squeal as he pushes you back onto the leaves covering the ground. He chuckles as you try to push him off, even trying to tickle him in the ribs. This is easily cut short when he grabs your wrists with one hand, pinning them above your head with ease.

His smiles fades fairly quickly, as his eyes flicker to your lips.

"You know you can kiss me, right?" Your forwardness catches him off-gaurd once again as you take a joking tone. "After all, you're my boyfriend, right?"

He shakes his head, smiling before he leans in. His nose bumps against yours as you squirm under his grips to try and kiss him. He lets out a low chuckle before finally connecting your lips.

It starts off sweet and quickly becomes passionate, with his grip loosening and allowing you to move them around the back of his neck.

He breaks the kiss, looking into your eyes. "God, I shuckin' love you."

Your eyes widen, and he seems shocked himself. He sits back slightly.

"You love me?" You sit up on your elbows and he avoids eye contact with you.

"Yeah... I think I do," he sighs.

You smile, leaning forward and pecking him on the lips. "I think I love you, too."

He grins, and kisses you again, once again pushing you back down into a small make-out session.

"I should give you rocks more often," you giggle when he breaks the kiss.

"You should; it's a very cool rock - I'll treasure it." He pauses, grinning and pecking your lips. "It's obviously very lucky."

Yep, sorry for the embarrassingly long amount of time it took me to write this - my brain has turned to jelly.

Anyway, hope you at least kinda enjoyed this :))

[queerautism]

I’m the autism anon, first you actually replied within like a day so no worries. I totally get it, no sweat. I am other types of neurodivergent and I have other mental disorders too; which is part of why I doubted it. I saw the reply on the post saying they may not have even tested for autism and that would make sense.

I also read that there is a genetic element and one of my parents, and one of my siblings are autistic which also leads me to believe I may have it.

I have taken little online screenings and they say it’s a strong possibility. So then do I just start saying that I’m autistic? Is that all there is to a self dx?

Yeah, pretty much. It's just a decision you make about how to describe the way your own brain works. You believe this word describes it well, at least in part, so you can just start using it :)

[whataboutsimple]

Warning! Under the cut it's just Alex whining about his life and nothing more. So basically useless post lmao- oh, yeah, curses. Lots of. Curses. Yeah, I don't recommend reading this tbh

Now what the fuck, how people manage to live their life normally and than there's me. What is wrong with me?

No, no, listen. I get it, no human can be perfect, but it frustrates me so much that I can't get exactly what's up with me. You saw other ppl on this app? Three posts a day MAX, and what do I do?

Third of August the first very post, all the way to 17 of August.

Tham it's 9 of September and since than no breaks (well, maybe Little like for a day or two)

Currently I have 397 posts, and if math is mathing, than it's about ≈8 posts each day.

8 posts each day, and I haven't posted even half of what I wanted. Or the asks I'm getting (I love them though)

What I'm implying? I can't focus even for a second on my school, better shoot me than make me doing my English, all the homework I've done so far I've done in five minutes before the class itself started. You see it?

AND THAT'S even not the full thing, I can't focus even on writing or drawing, that's why I didn't upload all the stuff, because I can't make myself create it! I have the idea in the head, I want to put it on the paper, but I can't.

The hands, the brain, they work only in a stress situations, when it's either getting an F, or doing the freaking work god damn it.

Sometimes I don't even want to touch my phone or get up from bed. All I want is to, idk, nap until I'll feel myself as if I rested.

Don't even get me started on trying to look through my mental health, I've been doing it, and you know what? I can't normally say to myself "Hey, those symptoms are kind of remind me of ourselves. Maybe we are not as healthy as we pretend we are?" Nonono, because it always will end up in self doubting like "What if I'm lying? What if I just know those symptoms are implying this and try to adjust to them to look so "poor, poor child" like? What if I just try to convince myself that something is wrong with me or simply want attention?"

Okay, like, I've been searching for symptoms of autism and ADHD for so long, reading forums and what other ppl with such things say. God, I even went through thos dumb "online tests" out of boredom and you know what? It's like 90% that I do have both, but yet again what if I'm lying? I'm perfectly healthy, I should be, I'm just lazy and dumb to do the work.

I have autistic cousin for example, and I act a lot like them and a lot like not them. Even my family always compares us, but when it's me, they go like "Well, you're not autistic, so it should be fine for you, stop acting like that!"

Yeah, woman, I'm perfectly fine, I'm just dying everytime I need to interact with ppl in reality and have heartbeat over probably 500 because it beats so loud I can almost hear it.

I've been to therapist like twice after some tragic moment in my life, because I started having horrible panic attacks, so strong even my Mon got worried, and all they managed to diagnose is PTSD after what my mother like. Just stopped the sessions. And those times when I were there, I was too scared to ask them if I may or may not have, idk, ADHD, autism or depression or anxiety or whatever because I just want to know what is wrong with me.

Because normal people won't act like I'm.

You think the dog thing is a joke? Well, yeah, it is, but I'm really eager for any interaction and reaction I can get. I don't even care abt kudos and stuff as long as you commented or reposted saying something. I'm going to die on the spot and if I had a tail it would've 100% wagged.

But when it comes to ppl in real life, I don't want to have them near me, to be in one room with them, to hear them. I can chat, I love chatting, I love talking, but only with texts. There are literally only three ppl who I can call: my mom, my grandma and my online friend.

And online friend waited for 4 years before we had a first call, voice call.

That's not normal, is it?

And like that I'm lost in me thoughts. The point is that I want to know what's wrong with me really bad, but at the same time I'm doubting if there's something wrong and I'm not just a lazy sore looser who tries to hide from responsibility in the internet. And even that I'm doing horribly.

Dang it.

[st4rsinthenight]

Momohiki Ash x Yandere!Rise!Leonardo Hamato Headcanons !!

★pulled straight from my wat-padd account once more★

— |✷| REQUESTED & ORIGINAL CHARACTER BY: @ash1kun !!

— |✷| ROMANTIC OR PLATONIC?: romantic.

— |✷| TROPES: angst-y.

— |✷| TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of murder, threats, kidnapping, yandere themes, gaslighting ??, hints of hypocrisy, rumours, forced non-sexual touching/affection, mention of intrusive thoughts, implications of bottled up emotions.

— |✷| CONTENT WARNING: Kind of a slow burn, oc x canon, the characters may be OCC, oc x yandere, not proof-read-

— |✷| NOTES: Once again, my dumbass autistic brain may have the genuine idea to repeat stuff and words in order to not be misunderstood. Also, grammar mistakes- point em out please- erh. This page is also also long.

— |☆| Okay, so, with Leonardo already having some sort of a petty banter with Donnie, despite their relationship being- well, positive, I can that positivity slowly drain out between the twins the more Leo see's Ash hang out, and eventually fall in love, with his twin brother- rather, well, him.

— |☆| Maybe irritation will begin to grow in his mind, although, at first- I doubt that he would notice that he was catching feeling's for Ash and instead, he would just think that he, once more, needs to beat Donnie to something. And that something is getting closer to Ash and prove to his beloved twin brother that they would rather be near him instead.

— |☆| So, yeah, he would get quite competitive and that need to show the them that, 'hey, I'm the better friend' would grow the longer Ash continues to warm up to Donnie. Oh, Donnie gives 'em a whole lotta praise for their work? He will double it, maybe even try to show some enthusiasm towards their inventions and stuff. Genuine enthusiasm that is. He might even not run away if they have some sort of, erm, speech mode. Which is something that has yet to happen with his twin. He might just sit back and attempt to understand their rambles, either from close up, or from afar. Perhaps his portals would help with him and act as a way to listen to their explanations, or well- anything about them. And if Ash is hanging out with Donnie while doing well, their own thing? He sent subtle, yet somewhat nasty glares towards his way.

— |☆| Now, as he begins to learn more about it the young kappa, noting down their interests and preferences, or maybe the things they dread, I feel like he would use that information to his advantag. He might make a couple adjustments to his personality. Although, those little changes are not that noticeable, just enough to ensure that Ash will show some sort of interest in him. Or just noticeable enough to make them feel more comfortable in his presence. Comfortable enough so he can take matters into his own hands in order to develop their relationship further. He might as well cook up a couple of one-liners using their likings to make them laugh. Maybe puns about science or something. If they laugh at least one of his jokes, his heart might skip a beat or two. He might get a small boost to joke around more, along with the impression that his one-liners may be one of the few things that make them show positivity. And he feels honoured by this. Of course, he makes sure to avoid anything that makes queasy or uncomfortable. Or anything that could potentially trigger them. Not now at least, it's not the time.

— |☆| If progress is made, he would most likely be pleased- however, that pleasure could be thrown out the window if he catches them hanging out and getting, much to his concern, all lovey-dovey with Donatello. That's where envy starts to kick in, along with the worry and perhaps frustration that the development he has made meant nothing in comparison to how Ash acts around Donnie. However, he would do a pretty good job at hiding away his jealousy. He may butt in in their conversation or whatever, rolling an arm over Ash's shoulder and maybe start throwing a couple of small, playful yet- embarrassing things about Donnie in a little attempt to humiliate him in front of them. Though, he would have to deal with an angry and embarrassed purple clad fighting off the urge to snap his neck or something, however- he doesn't really care.

— |☆| Those little quips and information that could potentially shame Donnie don't really stop at embarrassing moments that happened throughout his life span as they slowly escalate into erh, little warnings. Warnings that Leo gives to Ash in order to try and distance them away from his brother. Y' know light little rumours and stuff, while in parallel-y making sure that he doesn't seem overbearing to them. He wants them to feel distrustful of Donnie. However, as long as that stupid impression he has made on Ash disappears, he doesn't mind.

— |☆| Alongside with those little rumours, he also goes to Donnie- expressing his displeasure of him spending so much time with Ash. Oh, you thought straightforwardly? No no. He does it through small quips- that may seem playful at first, though, if you look past that little grin he flashes every once in a while, a grin that begins to falter with each 'joke', you would see the slightest hints of anger lingering somewhere along with his facial expressions, as well as a hissy like tone that hangs on the end of his words. He might give a couple of physical warnings as well, for example, putting his hand on Donnie's shoulder and start squeezing it just a tad bit too hard because he won't stop yapping-yapping to Ash about, anything really. Or maybe because they are just acting a bit too lovey towards each other.

— |☆| Anger that steadily, but surely, evolves into jealous rage as it's slowly becoming evident to him that he might just not be able to rip them away from eachother. It's also clear to him that the two may be..ewgh, in 'love'. So he can't do much to break them apart. Not with the use of small-talk at least.

— |☆| Now, the urge to show some seriousness with his threats is beginning to engulf his mind. He pushes it back as much as he can, although it's complicated to do so, especially if his efforts have gone directly into the dumpster. Maybe it's time for him to act out, some of his threats and things that he has in mind, starting with the more 'light' ones such as, purposely messing with Donatello's gifts and inventions. Y'know, stuff that he wanted and worked hard for to give to his lover. He might take apart some parts and bits, or maybe even program them to go ham. Maybe he will sweep in the area while the machine that Donnie wanted to show to his partner begins to fume and go crazy and in an attempt to 'save the day' he might just teleport them out of that area. Or just teleport Ash away- setting aside the fact that since they are amazing with technology and in case they want to help fix it- they can't, since they are teleported to safety.. Well, the safety of his room that is.-

|☆| And messing up his twin's gifts and separating him away from his so called 'lover' is one thing.. No, I'm not implying murder here. I doubt that he would kill his own twin, or any of his brothers for that matter- however, his way of getting rid of Donnie in this dire situation of jealousy is different. Maybe he will portal him somewhere unknown- and far from the lair. He paints this up as accidentally getting Donnie 'portal jacked' if the rest of his family start asking questions about the genius's whereabouts. He won't send him directly to New York, but also not far away from the city. Of course, he will let him have his gear- and stuff, but let's just say, he made sure that it's going to be complicated to get back in the lair before, well, Leo wins over Ash's heart. Or just convinces them that Donnie may not feel the way they thought he had about them. Sure, he may feel liable for the way he acted. Although, he still can't help but let the jealousy over-wash whatever reluctance that's trying to seep into his brain.

— |☆| Well, now since Donnie is erm, 'gone'- might as well he try to give Ash some comfort or some sort of reassurance. Maybe reassurance that Donnie will come back, or more likely- he reassures them that he won't, so their best option is hang out with him and be in his presence while their lover is gone. He would try to take his place as being their partner, though this time- since his patience is basically on the verge of cracking, he most likely wouldn't hide his actual emotions and wants from them through small jokes or subtle threats.

— |☆| Now, if Ash doesn't believe him, or doesn't accept his 'reassurance' and takes matters in their own hands to go search for Donnie, maybe with the help of their pet dragon Plutonium- that might just be his tipping point. He sees this as a way of them trying to distance themselves away from him. Although, that's silly right? They've already made progress in escalating their relationship into something positive- he has, as well ported them to safety multiple times when a failed invention of that damned twin of his started fuming- and- and more !! So why would they need their 'oh-so-lovely-partner' with them ?! And especially after all of his tries.. He feels betrayed by his own actions.

— |☆| So, with a raged-envy filled heart, he absent mindedly portals them to his room. He, for a moment, thinks of porting Plutonium away, perhaps in far away junk-mine, though, he doesn't do that- since he is practically like Ash's child. Maybe he will if the giant dragon-bot tries to tear him apart in an order to help it's parent- aka Ash.

— |☆| If they try to fight back, as a punishment- like my Donnie headcanon, he resort to isolation. Though he doesn't leave Ash completely alone, just a couple of hours maybe, letting that little voice in their head tell them to do worse and worse things. Letting it torment their head for a little while. It's like he is dealing with a 'Savage Raph' though he is not worrying that their situation might get worse- neither does he worry about where to find them.

- |☆| But of course, once he senses that they might just be at their breaking point, he will swoop in and try to soothe them, using ways that his twin used in order to rid them of such thoughts. He will obviously slip in some of his own ways of comfort towards them, one of them being cuddling..! Though, I doubt that his 'new-found partner' would appreciate the comfort he is offering to them. Also I further doubt that they would be happy with the new change.